Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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