I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
