What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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