Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
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there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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