CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
