well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
