I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
