So drunk its hurt
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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