He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
