Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
