its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
