Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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