i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
