I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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