i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
