I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
