just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
