Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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