Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
