When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
