just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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