Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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