if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize