Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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