I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
