Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
