I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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