Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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