Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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