They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
