she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
