The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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