Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
