just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Everything about him screamed your future.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
