I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
