But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
