hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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