party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
