You're my little dorito
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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