I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
