maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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