I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
