I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
