And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
