Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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