my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize