Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
