What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
