But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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