There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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