My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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