My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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