Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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