Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
