Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
