bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
