I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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