They should really pass out barf bags in church
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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