Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
