I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
