yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
