Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize