She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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