I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
