Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You smell like a Billy Joel song
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
